Power Rankings Thus Far.....

1.
Nato - Leader out of the gate, though will he be able to maintain this pace for the marathon-like NFL regular season?





2.
Buelle - Knock, Knock, Knockin on Bill Schwertzke's Door. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.






3.
Lawson - Solid reliable performer who just aced his GED, massage therapy and CPA exams all in one week. Bravo.





4.
Dustin's Sister Kristen - Will soon officially replace the blonde Kissing Bandit who ran onto minor league baseball fields during the 70's and 80's to smooch unsuspecting ballplayers.




5.
Bucktown - Very strong start, though a return to his Frugal Gourmet form of one year ago would make him a lock for the top 3.






6.
Scharpf - Much like Lyle Alzado before him is a handsome dude who delivers week in and week out.





7.
Fromberg - Has had some very solid performances when he is not off in foreign red-state lands saving the world from Christians.





8.
Carr - As Billy Ocean once said, get out of my dreams, and get into my Carr.







9.
S. Smith - Has had a good start, though one has to wonder if she has done enough to prevent the Steelers' 2-4 start.





10.
Diane's Boyfriend







T-11. NEWCOMERS - Not quite Michigan's Fab Five, but almost there.
Timmy







Tim







Timmy






Ricky







14.
Hank - Some people show up on Sundays with a case of Beer. Don Juan Dickerson shows up with a case of prophylactics.





15.
Jackson - Despite unexpected strong start from Jets, has had some key absenses that he chalked up to quality time with new girlfriend who somehow does not like football.





18.
Joe - Performance this year as compared to last year is almost exactly identical to that of Pedro Cerrano in Major League 2 vs. Major League 1.





21.
Justin Davey
No. of Manicures during 2006 Season: 5
No. of Brazilian Waxes during 2006 Season: 2
No. of Appearances at Football Sun. during 2006 Season: 1.3




22.
Kira - Has earned her first Jenny Finch Award, though still shows up with copies of US Weekly to Football Sunday.






23.
Rachel Ray - America's sweetheart chef, however, the jury is still out if she can deal with the pressures of a network AM talk show. Just ask Rosie O'Donnell.





26.
Weber - Only one appearance thus far, but he certainly throws around some meat around with the best of em.





48.
Neal - We would like to thank the fine manufacturers of Ridlin for taming yet another kid of the 1980's. Our stun gun has remained on the shelf all season.






T-52.
Dustin's sister Meggan - Hasn't showed up yet this season, though we are sure if she does it will be intense.






Weird Al - Latest album debuts in Top 10. D. Gordon finally forgives him for not playing his Sweet 16 Party.






T-61.
Heller







Rudy Huxtable's best friend, Peter







74.
Grimm - Not that many appearances thus far, but word on the street is that he is working on starting a successful ABBA tribute band, which would certainly raise his stock.





75.
Diane - Yes, pretty harsh I know, but I am still bitter that she drafted Antonio Gates just moments before I was about to.






112.
Jonathan Taylor Thomas - Lets just hope Frankie Munoz's agent uses JTT as a cautionary tale.







131.
Tom Rice - Disgruntled Eagles Fan has been a no-show all season. Has the move from Centreville to Arlington changed his priorities?






4,394.
Saddam - Starring in Broadway musical based on his trial opposite Nathan Lane. A tony award would seriously raise his stock.






7,522.
Colin Cowherd - America's biggest horses ass.







11,796.
Zukas and Nikki - Who plans a wedding on St. Patty's Day weekend? I mean honestly.






T-27,834.
This girl - Extremely poor performance led to first round dismissal on VH1's Flava of Love.






Dustin - Should a large prehistoric flying reptile swoop down and pick up Kim Jon Il, D-go may (and its a big may) move up to 27,833.