NFC EAST

NFC EAST

With The NFL Season already upon us, the Editors of Football Sunday are glad to bring your this years preview of the NFC EAST.

Questions circle the NFC EAST like a buzzard during the dry season of the inhabitable Sahara Desert. I myself haven’t been to the Sahara, but I do know the road to El Dorado does not traverse Nevada. Instead, scattered among the Lizard men and Pterodactyls, we find sports books and all-u-can-eat midget buffets. The East is a toss up, a very strong, very competitive, and very analogous toss up whose Champion will be determined by injury and luck, not personnel or proficiency. The East is ABC, Its Survivor, Its Vegas; that’s right baby, Vegas.

So why a preview?

The editors insist, and the drugs are still good.

(Note from the Editor: The use of drugs or any other formidable substance—especially while operating a machine as dangerous as the computer, the internet, or a cell phone—is not encouraged or endorsed by Football Sunday)

Where was I…?

The NFC East consists of four teams, each of whom hates each other. Three of these teams have a longstanding legacy as champions, the other is endangered. Though I’ve never been one to hunt an Eagle or any other animal, I am quite the proponent of gun ownership and use – I love the BANG! exhilarating really. Without talking to the historical, moral, or social implications of match-ups between the Cowboys and the Redskins, any Samoan half wit can see this division is stacked and ready to battle.

Dallas Cowboys

Just to keep us on the same page, "I HATE THE COWBOYS."

Formerly known as “America’s Team,” this group of Cowboys is light years away from the drug induced, hooker loving madmen of yesteryear – maybe they should start drafting out of Florida again.


Seriously this team is no fun. While Head Coach, and known victim of IBS, Bill Parcells is pawning off Tommy Emanski’s for Football, his owner and Joan Rivers look a like Jerry Jones is signing Lance Armstrong. Seriously, if T.O. was in the Tour De France I might still not watch it.

But the press loves them. They want the surreal life, but what they get is a pseudo- QB controversy between Drew Bledsoe and Tony Romo. Wasn’t Bledsoe replaced by that pretty boy, Boy Scout in New England, and I’m pretty sure the other greasy haired “Eye-Thai”spat in my Calzone.

I say T.O. gets hurt, Bledsoe gets sacked, Michael Irvin gets another drug arrest, and the Cowboys miss the playoffs.

Philadelphia Eagles

Can we be less serious? The Eagles are everyone’s favorite sleeper pick – addition by subtraction they say. Unfortunately the same was said about the Vikings last year. This team will stink. In Philly there are three certainties:

The Fans will be obnoxious
















McNabb will spend a lot of time on his knees

Andy Reid will remain fat

Barring apocalyptic injuries to the 'Skins and Giants, the Eagles will once again miss the playoffs. Sorry Eagles fan(s?), at least you have Marky Mark.

I haven't seen Invincible yet, but I heard its pretty good. And yes, I had a great picture of Marky Mark, and yes I decided that was just too easy to post.

New York Giants
The New York Football Giants, the boys in blue, and the pride of about half of New York, New Jersey, and Ware St, are for real. This team is loaded egos and arrogance on the offense, and packed with black guys and Redskins Cast offs on the defense. This team has to be good.

In his 3rd year, Head Coach, and Kenny Chesney impersonator, Tom Coughlin will try to build on a monumental year in which they won their division, then “laid down and took it” in the first round of the playoffs.

He’ll have help, with a “just a few more years” running back and Peyton’s brother steering the offense. Imagine growing up with the Manning’s, Jesus.

They key to the Giants success, like their division mates, will be health. New York has pretty solid depth at key positions, but could be in for a long Fall (sic.) if Jared Lorenzen. But hey, New York loves its bagels, why not “The Pillsbury Throwboy.”

I see the Giants making quite splash this year, and remaining at the upper echelon of the NFC.

Washington Redskins
As usual the Redskins loaded up on talent and football genius during the off-season. This time, however, it was to build on success, and not cover incompetence. Once everyone’s pick as a Super Bowl contender, the ‘Skins are now overshadowed by a horrendous preseason which saw two significant injuries and very little to “write home about.”

With Gibbs in charge, fans remain steady. The bright spot is, the coaches had plenty of time to review individual talent, as the team apparently played back yard football (Jesus, I sound like Parcells) during its exhibitions games. With this, the team has been built; hopefully they’ll be ready for the week 1 and beyond.

If the Skins succeed and drive deeper to the Super Bowl, Gibbs will be re-canonized in DC, the team will be hailed by all, and Mark Brunell can retire (hopefully) with his head held high. If they falter, let’s hope the kid was worth the picks.
Either way, fans can enjoy the high impact, athletic force that is Sean Taylor. Knowing the Skins, he’ll be a Giant come ’08. The Skins battle the Giants for the NFC East, both make the playoffs to eventually face off, Ware St. burns down.

How could I resist?

It’s back to the asylum with me in my Red Shark. The Sun God and the desert are calling. Enjoy the football, the drinking, and the rest.

H.S.T.