Get Out of Jail, I mean Penalty Box, Free Card

"You know it's a crime that the Great Phil Simms has not yet been inducted into the Hall of Fame"

"Hey, on my way over I passed Glory Days and thought you all might be hungry, so I said what the hell, heres 4 dozen BBQ wings on me"

"Stickle, has anyone ever told you that you are reminicent of Brett Favre in toughness, leadership, and all-around all-american greatness?"

"You know I was just thinking, I feel that Debra Winger's performance in Terms of Endearment was one of the most gutsy, gritty, and couragous performances by an American actress in the history of film."

These are just a few examples of things that you could say on any given Football Sunday experience that will merit you a "Get Out of Penalty Box Free Card" (above). This is a brand new feature for the 2005 season, which we are very excited about. While we feel we have mastered the art of dishing out punishments, we feel it is important to also use positive reinforcements to bring about desired responses thus we have decided to incorporate B.F. Skinner's model of operant conditioning.

We have decided that these passes will only be handed out by one selected member of 1210 Ware St. Please note that any attempted thefts or forgeries will result in a sentence of spending one entire football contest in the penalty box with one escorted bathroom break at halftime. Please also note that these cards should not be used when a penalty is intentionally performed. These passes may be sold, gambled, auctioned, ebayed, traded for sexual favors and/or nachos, but we strongly recommend that you use it wisely.